Making Peace With Judgement

Judgement. What a powerful word. That damn big J.

Let’s begin with a judgement: I have been a whooore of a judge over the course my life. Judging all around me. Judging myself most of all. It is a part of us humans I guess, a part of me. And I am no longer here to judge myself for judging, but to understand and see it in new light. To understand judgement. To let it guide me, maybe, even.

Why do we have such a harsh inner judge? Why do we make a point of difference with others? Why do we wrong another? Why do we have to point out what we don't like about everyone. Why they are ignorant or need to change. What about our judgement of ourselves? Huh!? It seems crazy now as I write this that in the mystery of life, we have such fixed ideas of what we ought to be and how we ought to act.

Some judgement is healthy and when we identify its origins, becomes understandable. Like the way I have tended to judge those who think it's acceptable to be out of control with alcohol and drugs. When I was a child, I encountered plenty of dysfunction and chaos in my environment related to both. So when I judge it now, I don’t necessarily judge the people, but the action. It keeps me away from such things I consider not good for my health or for the kind of energy and situations I want to be around. It also reminds me of the type of life and character I witnessed and the kind I have wanted to stay clear from since childhood. The line here between a judgement and a good decision is a fine one. It is also helpful to judge people who may be a threat to your safety or boundaries. It’s helpful to have a discerning judgement of falseness and bullshit. Judgement is pretty okay most of the time, it seems.

Judgement also comes in the form of people and events we genuinely don't relate to. We just cannot understand. Like someone who commits a woeful crime of hatred against another. Judgement is pretty universal in these circumstances, I think. The thing is, what one human being is capable of, we are each capable of, in some way. I have tried to acknowledge my own potential for wrongdoing, knowing all beings are capable of evil. When I acknowledge this, I make a strong choice to move in the direction of good action, strong morals and choosing a life where I am led forward by my inner God rather than my inner evil. For me, it’s been important to know I am capable of things I judge in others. And then, I make decisions to keep me on a path I can stand behind. Maybe the acknowledgement of our potential for wrong doing can help us understand our kind, to see with compassion before judgement.

I do know that judgement is often a projection of an unconscious or denied part of oneself. It could be a part of ourselves we dislike and disown that we see clearly in another. And we think it’s damn awful. But most of the time, these are personal triggers that bother no one else. And so when we complain and seek agreement, we are shocked when it seems to only irritate us. So judgement as a projection, I get that too. Knowing this has helped me to see myself more clearly and my ability to act in a way I may judge in another.

How about judgement as someone else's unconscious fear or belief of what we ought to be, say, do etc.? That's one I have started to see more clearly. Many of my personal judgements are the voice of someone else or the imagined belief of someone else’s perspective. Many times, people I care about, admire or am triggered by. So in essence, these stories or judgements are not mine, but may reflect a fear or consequence I have related to the people involved. That's been very helpful to be able to identify, quite liberating. It means I can almost immediately drop the emotional charge associated with such a judgement. I can carry on and drop the story of another superimposed onto myself. Shake that shit off.

And finally for this piece, judgement of ourselves for who we thought we were supposed to be. Who we imagined ourselves to become when we were in the height of ego identification, probably in our mid twenties. Who we thought we were supposed to be to be worth something in the eyes of our peers or people who's approval we sought. That's been a big one for me. And it's okay. It's something to work through.

This piece of reflection isn't meant as a perfect breakdown or dissolution of judgement in its many forms. The point for me is not to make an enemy of judgement. To not seek to change it much, but to see it. Trying to destroy or transcend this primordial brain activity doesn’t seem like the goal. As I mentioned, some judgement may be helpful. The point for me now is to bring judgement into awareness, to work with it, to know when it’s not mine, when it’s trying to protect me, when it is triggering me, when it can be ignored. To see it, a little clearer.

🪷